Applied Happiness Coaching

Forgiveness is an incredibly powerful emotion. In fact, it may be the single most powerful emotional gate one needs to pass through to get to their destination. Often people have trouble staying positive and keeping the negative thoughts out of their minds – even for 17 seconds. From a psychological standpoint, this can all be traced back to who you are inside, and where these events took place to make you that person. Some people harbor such a cauldron of FEAR based emotions and actions, that they just can’t make any progress.Someone very close to me is having these issues because she is stuck in a place where she’s not sure who she is. It’s not an issue of simply focusing on being positivity and moving forward – the FEAR is 20+ years deep. Some of you may find yourself in an eerily similar situation. In a previous post, I challenge those that want to manifest with the 17 second game to discover the true motivating emotion for his or her request. What if all of your motivations always fall into fear in the end? What if you cannot make it through any thought without some fear crawling in and stopping you? It’s time to jump in the way-back machine and take some notes.

Psychologists like Erik Erikson, and Sigmund Freud have always mentioned that in the developmental stages of life, certain events can create or corrupt pathways in the mind. While it doesn’t always have to boil down to that, frequently something in one’s childhood creates a block that appears later in life. Are you a child of divorce? Are you afraid to commit in your own life now? Were you abused? Do you find it impossible to trust anyone who loves you now? Do you find yourself sabotaging your life and your relationships? Fear has been so deeply instilled in you, that your frequency has been changed. You need to own it, and eliminate it.

If you saw your mother in an abusive relationship and thought, “That’s never going to happen to me” – you created a wall. While having a wall to prevent that is not necessarily a bad thing, you need to understand more closely what kind of wall you made. Did you decide you were going to be assertive, and strong, and determine your own destiny? OR did you decide to setup a wall around you as a defense mechanism – preventing anyone from getting too close to you? Throughout your life, you may have been in situations where you made an unconscious decision to harbor judgment against someone or something. Here’s what I mean.

Think of all the things in your life you regret. Honestly, if you live with no regrets, this post isn’t really for you. Most people do have things they regret. Things not said, things not done, people they should have stood up to, people they should have apologized to… If you have these thoughts, it’s time to go back and correct them. Forgive that person that hurt you. I mean, really forgive them. They may not be around any longer, but it’s never too late. Once you really forgive this person, forgive yourself for holding that judgment. Forgive yourself for subconsciously letting it affect your life to this point. Truly feel the forgiveness sweep over you and life that weight off. Take notes while in the way-back machine of every judgment you made to this point, and how you feel it affects you today.

You need to forgive all those, and then you have to forgive yourself. When you can truly let go of all that anger, resentment, fear, and negativity, you can actually feel yourself get brighter, taller, stronger, happier, fuller, and better. Forgiveness can sometimes be ‘easier said than done’ – I’m not expecting anyone to let go of 20 years of anger and resentment in a single afternoon. However, many of us feel like we’re on a track we can’t change. Nothing we do will change who we have become – some even get so jaded and negative that they resent those that can change. When you start forgiving yourself and truly owning those mistakes and events, you can let them all go. Turning a 2 million ton train can take so long, it’s nearly impossible to expect results in a lifetime. However, removing all the weight and reducing it all to the size of a minivan – well, that’s a whole lot easier to turn isn’t it?

The point is – don’t ever let your past permanently define you. You can be, do, and have anything you want in your life. You can become the person you truly want to be. You just have to eliminate the weight that drags you down. When you’re motivated by love,all your prayers will be answered. When you’re motivated by fear, all your nightmares will be answered as well. Even if you’re afraid to go back and find out how you became who you are…

Jump in the way-back machine, and let yourself go… Just this once – I won’t tell anyone.

Many times people who get into the Law of Attraction wonder, “Can I attract my ex back?” People want to know if the LOA be used to bring people into your life? Absolutely! The LOA can be instrumental to bringing people to you, and bringing you out of your circle and into completely different ones. A lot of stories are told about finding love in the most obscure places.”I was out with a couple of friends, and we decided to try out a different restaurant/bar/club etc. in an area we never travel to. The place wasn’t what I expected at all. I would NEVER HAVE KNOWN about it, if it weren’t for the off chance that we ventured that way. That’s where I met him/her. It was the strangest thing. We would never have been, if I hadn’t ventured out of my circle.” I know you’ve heard some variation of that story!The hardest thing about attracting someone back into your life, or just attracting someone into your life in general, is the receiving step. This reigns true with everything you use LOA for. Asking is a piece of cake. We all want things, people, love, prosperity – it’s not hard to request it. However, having the correct frequency to receive what you asked for is a ballgame that many find hard to make it through. Your very first obstacle is you. Read that again. It’s not attracting HIM or HER back to you; it’s attracting YOU to THEM.

The ability to get someone’s attention in all the right ways, is completely about YOUR vibration. People are always drawn to those that resonate certain frequencies. Charisma, positivity, confidence – these are all vibrations that draw people in. You have to emit the right frequency to manifest people. What’s my suggestion?

Step 1 – Ask yourself why you want this person in your life? If it’s the return of the ex, why do you want him or her? What is it that you want returned? If it’s simply a body to love, your reasons are wrong – you may get what you want, but it will crumble again…only worse. If you believe you have the right reasons and intentions, ask the universe for him or her.

Step 2 – Spend 68 seconds (see 17 second post) in pure thought of having this person. If and/or when your very first doubt or negative though pops in your head, write it down immediately. This is your first block. This is the start of all the attributes of you, you need to correct to attract people. Here’s an example.

“I love her. She’s beautiful. She makes me feel loved. I hope she’ll forgive me” – STOP “He made me feel safe” – STOP

What’s wrong here? Both statements are FEAR statements. Your fear will prevent your grand reception. Truly spend a few minutes really noticing your thought pattern. Then step back and determine if you want this person back because you LOVE yourself and him or her, and deserve LOVE, or do you want this person back because you FEAR not having that love? When you can completely LOVE yourself and wash the insecurities away, those 17 second intervals will be so effortless and powerful. 68 seconds later, you could get a phone call and exactly what you want!

Have you ever run into an ex and, although the breakup was warranted, or the relationship was terrible, he or she looks great? You never thought you would even consider taking this person back, but you start talking, and learn that he’s in a ‘good place’ or she’s really ‘got her life together’. They fixed their insecurities, and nothing is impossible for them anymore.

The moral of this story is that of self-reflection. When you attract, or think about attracting specific people into, or back into your life, make sure you know what motivates you to do so. Fear and Love are equal in strength, but polar opposites. Both can drive one to madness! Madly in love, or just plain mad – which do you prefer? When your heart and your head are in the right place, and you know exactly who you are, you’ll discover that you deserve love from another because you love yourself. Suddenly you can feel the weight lifted, and the vibrations start resonating around you. You’re well on your way.

Have a spectacular Thursday, my friends!

Chris Malcheski posted this on The Secret forum, in response to another member’s request for help on staying focused and positive. He brought up such a great point, that I had to put it here in my blog. Too many people focus to intently on ‘trying’ to BE FOCUSED, that they are missing the point completely. Here’s his take on it.

I think the biggest problem people have are the associations they carry around from moment to moment. “When I’m not ‘properly’ focused (for however you’ve defined ‘properly’), then this and this happen, and this and this don’t.” It all amounts to “monitoring progress and performance” and that’s where so much dissipation of energy occurs. In my experience, intent is the key. It’s unleashed by taking whatever action you honestly trust is the best action to take toward reaching a goal. From there, the rest is automatic. You want to release any thoughts that tell you “I’m not operating at 100%.” Stop compartmentalizing and assessing and defining. When you monitor yourself so closely, you activate a focus of “I’m not operating at full capacity” and so you begin creating less than you could be creating. The process is so subtle.

The most basic awareness sets things in motion. If you feel like you’re not fully focused, try releasing that entire thought process. Tell yourself, “who cares?” and try shifting over to something you’re grateful for. The idea behind all this focus on gratitude is not to obediently follow some on-high dictator who declares “thou shalt feel grateful.” When we frame it that way, we fall into a mode of conditional acceptance and appeasement, and we immediately start looking for conditional rewards: “I was good, I obeyed thine rule and felt grateful. I am now worthy.” Worthy of what, beyond some silly system of judgement and drama we made up? In that mode, we think we’re feeling grateful but really we’re just trying to manipulate what we want out of God, the Universe, etc. by cutting deals and relying on appeasement. The real point to gratitude is simply to keep yourself resonating (vibrating) in a positive state.

The biggest block to getting what we want, as I’ve experienced it, is anger and bitterness. Most of that is buried deep and so our first few weeks, months, or whatever it takes, can be experienced as chaotic and intense; where all that apparent chaos is aimed is at releasing that bitterness. It can be overwhelming how unconditionally and how immediately your focus begins creating your reality! All you have to do is desire that new partner, car, job, etc. and things begin to happen in response: if buried anger (which we’re not even remotely aware of, in most cases) is holding us back, then our lives take on a clear and rather intense direction of resolving that anger. You’re always in motion toward what you want. Our incessant attempts at micro-managing the journey are based on insecurity about the process working at all. That insecurity manifests like everything else we focus on, and we end up receiving chaos. No act of congress is required to set things in motion. Clear intent and strong desire are enough. When you have those, you have it all. Then let it go, be who you are and do what you do. Live your life. We assess our progress by comparing what’s happening out there with a very imagined set of rules that we expect things to follow in unfolding. Anything goes – there is nothing to monitor except our internal state.

Are you feeling like, “I’m somehow hindering progress toward my goal?” If so, the only thing hindering progress is that thought. Don’t put conditions on a process you don’t understand. It works, it has always worked, and it always will work. When you find yourself gripped by these thoughts of “I must be failing,” don’t go on a rampage to destroy those thoughts. Just forget them and focus on something else – like living what your life is going to be when you wake up with Miss October in bed next to you; when you wake up with that new Lamborghini in your driveway.

I could not even begin to agree more. I purposely made that sentence up there BOLD because it is such a powerfully correct statement. We, as humans, are predominantly over-thinkers. We make a decision, and then take that decision through a gauntlet of doubt, improbabilities, constant ‘if-then’ and ‘what-if’ scenarios, until we haven’t the slightest clue what the original decision was for. We’re such insecure beings because we haven’t any faith in ourselves. These issues of trying to control all situations and ‘plan for the worst, but hope for the best’ attitudes is nothing more than a hindrance. Once you hope for the best, have faith that the best will come. If you plan for the worst, you ABSOLUTELY will get it.

Thanks to Chris for this well-written, and incredibly insightful post.

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine about her lack of quality love in her life. I explained that she has to rid herself of that feeling of “lack” and feel like Mr. Perfect was coming. In fact, Mr. Perfect was on a one way track DIRECTLY to her. She told me her mother was just telling her some of the same LOA advice. I told her there are a few tings she can do to put herself in the ‘right place’ to receive him.

I took a couple excerpts from Kittenit’s Blog at keen.com. She wrote an article on using LOA to attract the perfect mate for yourself.

Seven Steps to Attracting The Perfect Soul Mate Using the Law of Attraction

Step 1: Forgive the Past
Are you still obsessing about a past relationship that absorbs too much of your attention, or generates disappointment, anger, resentment and other negative emotions? You cannot be emotionally available as long as you are still living in the past. As hard as it is, you must get your closure and let the old, broken relationships go.

• Stop talking about this person
• Stop allowing yourself to be angry at this person
• Stop listening to others who want to talk about this person with you
• Stop feeling victimized over how you were treated

Wish your ex-boyfriend, ex-husband or ex-lover well and send him/her on their way to a better life. When you stop giving it your attention, you take your power back and stop letting this situation control you.

Step 2: Write a Wish List of Ideal Qualities
Be honest with yourself and list the ideal qualities you are looking for in a soul mate — not what you feel you can “put up with.” Use contrast to help you find the right qualities:

• Dated a cheapskate in the past? Use that as inspiration to ask for what you really want: “My Perfect Mate is generous, giving and prosperous.”
• Had a problem with a cheater? Try this one: “My Perfect Mate is loyal and loving to me. He values me and supports me in every way possible.”
• Tend to attract married and unavailable? How about, “My Perfect Mate is single, available and ready for a long-term relationship“.

Step 3: Eliminate Self-Sabotage
You may feel you are not ready for a new relationship because of your own fears and concerns. Or you may be thinking you will not find a perfect relationship at all. If this is the case, write down some “pre-affirmations”:

• “Give me the strength, understanding, patience and all other qualities I need to be the perfect partner.”
• “I radiate harmony, love, trust and friendship to all I meet.”
• “The Universe knows what I need in a perfect mate and is paving the way for the two of us to meet and recognize each other.”

Step 4: Affirm and Visualize What You Want
Twice a day, morning and night, go over your list and recite it out loud. Feel the passion and desire as you read off the qualities you have accumulated. Visualize yourself and your new partner in a special place having a great time.

Step 5: Allow the Universe to Work Its Magic
The Universe will find the fastest, quickest and most direct way of bringing the two of you together. You need to trust that it is on the job and working behind the scenes, regardless of how things appear on the outside. When you meet this person, there will be no doubt for either of you.

Step 6: Express Your Gratitude
Be grateful for all the signs that the Universe is fulfilling your request for perfect love, whether it is someone at work inviting you to lunch or the pizza man flirting with you. You are drawing people to you, so take your time and wait for the right one.

Step 7: Be Vigilant, Be Persistent
After you meet this perfect person, be sure to keep up the affirmations. Change or update them, if you need to.

• “All things between my perfect mate and myself are peaceful, compatible and harmonious.“
• “My Perfect Mate and I are the best of friends.“
• “My Perfect Mate and I express our love for each other freely and warmly.”
• “My Perfect Mate is supportive of me and helps me achieve my dreams.”

The tendency is to stop once we get what we want. The problem with this is that eventually doubt and our old negative ways start to set in and we start to manifest problems in the relationship because we start distrusting our partner or the process that brought him/her to us. Replace doubt with faith and persistence. Master this and you have tapped into your own Divine Power.

I think this is such a powerful set of steps for anyone who feels like they can’t seem to find what they’re looking for in the dating world. Lord knows I’ve been out with a couple of ladies that didn’t quite work with what I wanted. We’ve all been in those situations where he/she looks like a good match, and we end up REALLY WRONG. My best advice is to take everything in stride, and ALWAYS feel like your perfect person is right around the next corner. One day he or she just might be there!

Recently a question was brought up about focusing on the goal, or the desire. The question was, “What if I am super focused, and thrilled just imagining the results of winning the lotto – so sure it is going to happen, and the next week I’m not as focused. I’m not doubting it – I’m just not as focused on it. Is it still going to work, or did I ruin it by arguing about it with my fiance?”

The LOA doesn’t really apply to the Lottery, IF you’re thinking about winning. If you’re thinking about the money and making your life better, then it may just happen that way – you think of the money and the GOOD, and the lotto may be the means through which the universe gets you your desire…but if you focus on the lottery itself, it won’t happen.

I mean, it’s not COMPLETELY impossible, but I think you stand a better chance thinking about a sum of money and focusing on already having it, and NOT where it came from and let the LOA do the rest.

I would love to win the lotto – wouldn’t we all? But I’m also completely content with how the universe has chosen to provide for me.

I haven’t received any checks in the mail, or any outwardly noticeable “things” per se. What I DO get every, single, blessed day is a new idea. I was in the shower and something hit me like the breath of someone else saving me from drowning…that’s how incredible this felt. It was a million-billion dollar idea. Every day I get something new to add to that basic idea, and every day it motivates me to work even harder.

I am absolutely in love with the entire way of life the Secret has brought me. I’m a better, stronger, more magnetic (Good Lord, I can’t even tell you how magnetic I am now) since stumbling upon The Secret.

If you aren’t diligently focusing your energy on it, you are actually doing yourself a good thing. Too much focus can sometimes turn into “what if” worries. That FEAR will automatically prevent it from happening – and materialize that fear.

Relax. Feel completely, abundantly, whole-heartedly confident that you’re golden, beyond the shadow of a doubt. The Universe will not let you down. It never has, and it never will. It does exactly what you tell it to. Clear your head, and enjoy this absolutely splendid ride we call life.

Have a spectacular Friday, my friend!

Blake

Man, some days are just a challenge, aren’t they? It seems like you put in all the effort and follow all the right steps, and still life keeps throwing change-ups at you. Yesterday was a terrible, no good, very bad day. I woke up and watched my mind movie, got in the shower, and started my day. The cold was still hanging around, frosting the end of my nose and fingertips. I started the car and went back in with Wiley (dog).

Here’s where it went downhill – mind you, I wasn’t in a foul mood yet.

I burned a CD of indie-rock music on the advice of a good friend – a change of scene musically never hurt anyone, right? Oh boy. I have my CD in tow as I make it out to the car. The drive begins.

5 minutes into my drive, I’m cut off-almost fatally. I managed to keep the car out of the ditch, but the person driving the guilty car was just continuing on. She had a giant coffee, was on the phone, enjoying a Virginia Slim (skinny, skinny cigarette) and completely oblivious. I am now feeling a little irate.

Windshield cracks.

The cold air, mixed with the warm air blowing on it was just too much. Now I’m really feeling the anger.

The CD is unbelievably bad. Definitely music I am not into. This had to go.

Things didn’t get any better, so I left work just before 1pm and headed to the gym. I know that the treadmill doesn’t accept any excuses, and will always accept me regardless of what shape I’m in that day. I ran a little shy of four miles, all while lip-syncing with my mp3 player. I’m that guy at the gym, that runs and sings – without making a sound. I must look pretty ridiculous. I felt much better about my life after sweating out the frustrations and clearing my head.

My lady came by and I made her dinner for Valentine’s Day. I told her of my day’s adventures and just reaffirmed my belief that the biggest travesty is to succumb to the negativity. Which brings me to today’s thoughts:

Fight the temptation. We all know that life has a way of throwing challenges and curve-balls your way – in both good and bad ways! It sometimes feels so easy and comfortable to gently fall back in line with every one else and complain about life. Spreading the negativity is not a good thing at all, but bonding with people and feeling like you share ideas is. You see this every day in your office. The group of chatty Kathys that are also negative Nancys, always finding something to complain about. It’s not that they’re bad people, or that they hate their jobs or lives – it’s just so much easier to focus on the negative for some people. This is what creates column fodder. Fight that temptation and release it.

Rather than stay in my office and find more things to upset me, I chose to take the afternoon off and clear myself of that attitude. I find running, or a very intense workout to be incredibly effective. Most of you are thinking, “I can’t just take the day off and go to the gym. What do I do?” No matter what you do or where you work, you always have at least 5 minutes to get away. Take those 5 minutes and go to your car, the break room, the bathroom – wherever. I like to go to the car because I can turn on the radio (preferably a CD or satellite – commercials can make the frustration worse!) and drift into my visualizations. Older music – stuff you used to really LOVE about 10 years ago can sometimes make you smile for no other reason than it reminds you of better days. Play that CD.

No matter what you do, don’t be part of the fodder. Don’t fall in line with the negative Nancys. Close your eyes and think about all the wonderful things you have going for you. Better yet, visualize all the things you’ll have going for you in your future and make them present tense! “I am so grateful for my B-E-A-utiful home.” Walking around with a smile on your face, and feeling your heart beat with goodness is incredibly contagious. Try it out – I’m sure people around you will ask you about it! Spread the happiness! Apply you happiness, and then supply it for others!

Have a gorgeous Friday!

We’re constantly updating and building new features, so bear with us as things get put together correctly! I’ll have a ton of great stuff posted, and I encourage all who read these pages to sign in and post comments and stories of their own!

Stay Tuned!

The A|H Team