Applied Happiness Coaching

Chris Malcheski posted this on The Secret forum, in response to another member’s request for help on staying focused and positive. He brought up such a great point, that I had to put it here in my blog. Too many people focus to intently on ‘trying’ to BE FOCUSED, that they are missing the point completely. Here’s his take on it.

I think the biggest problem people have are the associations they carry around from moment to moment. “When I’m not ‘properly’ focused (for however you’ve defined ‘properly’), then this and this happen, and this and this don’t.” It all amounts to “monitoring progress and performance” and that’s where so much dissipation of energy occurs. In my experience, intent is the key. It’s unleashed by taking whatever action you honestly trust is the best action to take toward reaching a goal. From there, the rest is automatic. You want to release any thoughts that tell you “I’m not operating at 100%.” Stop compartmentalizing and assessing and defining. When you monitor yourself so closely, you activate a focus of “I’m not operating at full capacity” and so you begin creating less than you could be creating. The process is so subtle.

The most basic awareness sets things in motion. If you feel like you’re not fully focused, try releasing that entire thought process. Tell yourself, “who cares?” and try shifting over to something you’re grateful for. The idea behind all this focus on gratitude is not to obediently follow some on-high dictator who declares “thou shalt feel grateful.” When we frame it that way, we fall into a mode of conditional acceptance and appeasement, and we immediately start looking for conditional rewards: “I was good, I obeyed thine rule and felt grateful. I am now worthy.” Worthy of what, beyond some silly system of judgement and drama we made up? In that mode, we think we’re feeling grateful but really we’re just trying to manipulate what we want out of God, the Universe, etc. by cutting deals and relying on appeasement. The real point to gratitude is simply to keep yourself resonating (vibrating) in a positive state.

The biggest block to getting what we want, as I’ve experienced it, is anger and bitterness. Most of that is buried deep and so our first few weeks, months, or whatever it takes, can be experienced as chaotic and intense; where all that apparent chaos is aimed is at releasing that bitterness. It can be overwhelming how unconditionally and how immediately your focus begins creating your reality! All you have to do is desire that new partner, car, job, etc. and things begin to happen in response: if buried anger (which we’re not even remotely aware of, in most cases) is holding us back, then our lives take on a clear and rather intense direction of resolving that anger. You’re always in motion toward what you want. Our incessant attempts at micro-managing the journey are based on insecurity about the process working at all. That insecurity manifests like everything else we focus on, and we end up receiving chaos. No act of congress is required to set things in motion. Clear intent and strong desire are enough. When you have those, you have it all. Then let it go, be who you are and do what you do. Live your life. We assess our progress by comparing what’s happening out there with a very imagined set of rules that we expect things to follow in unfolding. Anything goes – there is nothing to monitor except our internal state.

Are you feeling like, “I’m somehow hindering progress toward my goal?” If so, the only thing hindering progress is that thought. Don’t put conditions on a process you don’t understand. It works, it has always worked, and it always will work. When you find yourself gripped by these thoughts of “I must be failing,” don’t go on a rampage to destroy those thoughts. Just forget them and focus on something else – like living what your life is going to be when you wake up with Miss October in bed next to you; when you wake up with that new Lamborghini in your driveway.

I could not even begin to agree more. I purposely made that sentence up there BOLD because it is such a powerfully correct statement. We, as humans, are predominantly over-thinkers. We make a decision, and then take that decision through a gauntlet of doubt, improbabilities, constant ‘if-then’ and ‘what-if’ scenarios, until we haven’t the slightest clue what the original decision was for. We’re such insecure beings because we haven’t any faith in ourselves. These issues of trying to control all situations and ‘plan for the worst, but hope for the best’ attitudes is nothing more than a hindrance. Once you hope for the best, have faith that the best will come. If you plan for the worst, you ABSOLUTELY will get it.

Thanks to Chris for this well-written, and incredibly insightful post.