Applied Happiness Coaching

I was recovering from a wonderful evening out in Chicago last night and I had a few moments of reflection. I have been through a lot so far this year, and while a lot of it was good, a lot of it wasn’t. I reflected on what kind of baggage I may be carrying around, and of course, vehemently denying its existence. I think there’s a lot to be said about people who truly don’t hold grudges.

A lot of people I talk to have trouble reaching their goals and manifesting great things in their lives because they hold grudges to passionately. Sometimes these grudges are under the surface, and only come out if provoked. Other times it’s written all over their faces. Sometimes we hold onto them for good reason, and other times there’s no reason at all. In that light, I have a confession to make.

Anger can sometimes be a comfort to me. I’m certainly not a violent person, nor am I an angry person. However, the adrenaline rush delivered when angry or infuriated with someone or something can be like a drug. It’s powerful, and addictive, and destructive. And I had a hard time learning how to release that need to feel the power of the anger.

I learned such a valuable lesson over the last year. I learned that blame is absolutely ridiculous. Accountability and blame are so similar, but one is about responsibility, and the other is about ego. I have made mistakes in my life. I’ve made big ones and small ones, insignificant ones, and little mistakes that turned out to be incredible opportunities. I forgave myself and the people that have hurt me, and I don’t blame anymore.

Now, don’t be confused; I still remember the events of my life that brought me here, and I remember all the roles everyone played. The difference is that I am ultimately responsible for my own life, and if anything is going to stand in my way from achieving something, it’s going to be to no one’s fault but my own. When you can look back and take lessons away from moments you regret, or situations in which you blame someone else for wronging you, you release it.

So the exercise for today is to take an immediate inventory of your anger – more importantly, take inventory of the moments in your life that still make you angry. Write them all down. Write out who was involved, and how their role justifies your blame. Now take a positive lesson from it. Was it really his or her fault? Did it impact your life so negatively that your very existence is worse off now? Identify any positive event that could have come from that moment. I’ll give you an example.

On December 1st, 2000, I was involved in a car accident that should / could have killed me. I was a passenger in a car that afternoon, and the driver failed to yield or look properly, and a school bus T-Boned the car on my side. I woke up pinned inside the car in the neighboring front yard. The jaws of life cut me out of that coupe. I had such a sever brain contusion on my left side from the impact that it was soon realized my dream of being an architect was not in the cards any longer. My brain just could not put those numbers together anymore. She was psychologically traumatized, but otherwise in great shape. I was busted up and sedentary because she couldn’t pay attention on the road – this was not the right attitude.

In the wake of that collision, I was laid up in my house with nothing to do but fight off the post-traumatic-stress-disorder and anxiety attacks. I did this by picking up my guitar – an instrument I had never learned to play, and after owning for 24 hours, I put it in the closet for nearly 5 years. Now I was just playing notes, and letting my brain suddenly tell me what to do next. To make a long story short, I am a completely different person today because I was a victim of circumstance and negligence 8 years ago. What have I accomplished so far?

I have patched up my relationship with my father, I have started two businesses, I have a degree in Business and Finance, I have several certifications for business, I have the most amazing friends (people I would not have otherwise met), and after facing my own mortality that chilly afternoon, I am truly grateful to be alive and telling the story today.

The bottom line is that life really is too short. There will always be people trying to screw you if that’s the weight and attitude you carry around. If you forgive those in your life that may have wronged you, and you forgive yourself for your actions, you can release that weight. Imagine carrying around the attitude and force behind the belief that people are always coming into your life to bring great things. Imagine flaunting your positive strength, and reaping the results. Flexing that muscle and watching amazing things happen. That’s the power of forgiveness. You can be totally forgiven by totally forgiving.

Peace, Love, and a million successes to you.

Blake