Jay Shafer decided one day to remove the clutter from his world and start over.  He designed and built an 89 square foot home, and began living there. Leaving the ‘everything big’ lifestyle behind him, his life transformed. I love this story. It reminds me how frivolous some of our attachment to material goods can be. Does anyone really need a 20,000 square foot mansion? Maybe they do. I don’t know anyone with one, so I can’t just come out and ask. I’ll update this post if I ever find that answer.

This begs the question of what do we really need in our lives to be happy. It’s not so much about becoming a minimalist and throwing out everything but toilet paper and three outfits – that’s a little too frightening for most of us. Instead, it’s about removing the “noise” and “stuff” with which we all seem to fill our lives. It’s about pulling away from owning things just to own things.

Personally, I remember being younger and spending money on a whole bunch of things I found cool. Now I can’t remember a single thing I got that was important. And I certainly don’t have any of this cool “stuff” to show nowadays. Why did it all disappear? Was it not too expensive and therefore disposable? Was it simply misplaced? Stolen? What happened to all my cool stuff?!?!

It wasn’t truly important to me, so it didn’t stick around. Because it truly wasn’t that important, I didn’t miss it, and I didn’t replace it. Imagine all the things in your life you could sell off, throw out, or donate – stuff you really don’t need, won’t miss, and won’t replace if gone one day. The minimalist credo is similar to “waste not, want not” and is a great place to start.

This becomes MUCH easier after a values exercise. You get a solid sense of your values, what motivates you, and what you need to move forward. You can then ask what this “thing” brings you that you cannot be without. If it doesn’t fill that space inside you, it really doesn’t have to fill that space in your house.

Try your own version of living little. See how it goes, and let us know!

Peace, Love, and a million successes to you all!

Blake

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Psychology Today has a brilliant article on America’s culture of envy, and wanting be, do, and have more. Moreover, it’s about our own judgements that we haven’t accomplished enough – regardless of what incredible feats we have completed. It rings so true with me because I can hear the parts of my mind screaming at me about what I haven’t done, and how I fail to measure up to people around me; but I also hear the voice that’s amazed with the things I have done when I measure them against my ability as a human being to do them. It’s about measuring your life against your internal dream – not against the celebutantes on TV.

“The Contender Syndrome is subtly different from envy. It’s more a sense of not living up to the best you, rather than not living up to the best Albert Einstein. Some scientists say the feeling of not reaching your potential comes from a discrepancy between the ‘actual self’ (who you are), the ‘ideal self’ (who you’d like to be), and the ‘ought self’ (who you think others want you to be). Troubles arise when your actual self doesn’t align with your other visions.”

Anything from parents or teachers telling you things like, “You can do it. You’re better/stronger/smarter than this.” can start the process of either pushing you to achieve, or create the gap between where you are and where you’d like to be. This gap is the big pickle. Some people never learned how to build a bridge from here (actual) to there (ideal). Often this gap can seem too big to bridge, or simply impossible because the talent needed to live that dream aren’t available. Hazel Markus, a Psychologist at Stanford University, disagrees with this.

“A lot of people think you need the talent. People who end up suffering, feeling like they could have been a contender, are those with the idea that talents are pretty much fixed, so they don’t figure out how to get from where they are to where they want to be,” says Markus. “They don’t even really think it’s possible, so they don’t put the work into it.”

How will you know you’ve achieved it? How do you know you haven’t yet? How do you know you’re not in denial about your achievement? A lot of people see the ideal self and hear the ought self, but can’t get a clear view of the actual self. They may actually be very close to their ideal state, but they can’t see the steps they’ve taken, and the successes they’ve had along the way. Their gap is still too big. One great way to bring your progress into light is to name the greatest pleasures in what you have or do, or the person you are. You’ll see that your values are in some of your greatest pleasures. There’s more to life than ‘keeping up with the Jones family’ and it involves celebrating your successes just as much as you celebrate other peoples’.

Take time to reflect on where you are now, and what you’ve done to get here. You may find that your actual self isn’t far from your ideal self at all. Celebrate that! Follow what makes you happy, and do the work to get there and beyond. Often real, focused work is what separates the contenders from the victors. Success is subjective, my friends. One man’s failure is another man’s success. It’s all about what makes you happy.

“If you’re doing something positive in the world, if you’re productive, if you’re a player; then you’re a success.”

Peace, Love, and a million successes to you all,

Blake

Reference: “I Coulda Been a Contender” by Abby Ellin. Psychology Today. August, 2010

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It’s difficult to see the world in color if your mind only lets in black and white. The eyes are judgment-less lenses to the world. Our perception of what they record is the hindrance we often live by. One man gets laid off (in this economy? you’re kidding right?) and we may judge that as a tragedy. He, however, may see this as a perfect opportunity to pursue more time with his family while he decides his next direction. Our burden may be his blessing.

“Don’t think of organ donations as giving up part of yourself to keep a total stranger alive. It’s really a total stranger giving up almost all of themselves to keep part of you alive.” ~ Unknown

Life is about experience, and part of that is in the perspective you take to experience what you want. What you perceive is reality, right? When you focus on something – I mean, intently focus – the peripheral details disappear. Everyone has experienced the blindspot of reality when intently focused. When you fail to perceive the details around you, and instead focus on what’s directly in front of you, the entire world can change.

This is such a cool place to play for coaches and people who like to challenge circumstance with personal awareness. Many people spend their lives in ‘victim’ roles, and can’t see a way out. “These things always happen to me.” “I’m just unlucky.” “I’ll never make anything like that happen – that dream is just plain out of reach.”

We’re going to play a little game now. Look below and follow the pink dots around the circle. Then stare at the black + in the middle for a few moments. What happens?

When you first see this image, you see the pink dots rotating clockwise. After you spend a few moments staring at the black + in the center of the image, you’ll see a green dot appear to be rotating in place of the pink one. If you keep focusing on that + in the center, the pink dots will slowly, but completely disappear. Wow, if this doesn’t ever prove we don’t always see what’s really there!

This is such a fun lesson, but it’s also up there in importance. I like to use this exercise with clients that see past their own perceived mistakes to make new things happen. I also like to break it out when too much judgment is being held to a perceived event. Sometimes we all focus so intently on the negative that all the pink positive pieces disappear. On the other side of the coin, sometimes we simply can’t focus on the goal, that we simply can’t see any green (money, satisfaction, time, positive qualities) at all. It can be very discouraging.

If you ever have trouble focusing on the goal because all you find yourself surrounded by are pink dots, come back here and focus until they all just fade away! It’s a beautiful life, my friends. Have a great time, and keep your eyes on the direction(s) you want to go, and you’ll never have trouble seeing what you want to.

Peace, Love, and a million successes to you all.

Blake

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“Once an old woman came to Buddha and asked him how to meditate. He told her to remain aware of every movement of her hands as she drew the water from the well, knowing that if she did, she would soon find herself in that state of alert and spacious calm that is meditation.”

“Water, if you don’t stir it, will become clear; the mind left unaltered will find its own natural peace.”

Sometimes we get so caught up in the rattle of everyday life that an overwhelming blindness washes over us. We’re blind to the true nature of the world around us, our place in it, and what we really want for ourselves. We are so in tune with the ‘noise’ that the voice inside becomes inaudible, and we often end up somewhere we don’t feel we belong. Some of us lose our way from time to time, right?

Stillness is such a powerful tool for reconnecting to that little voice. When the mind tunes out the noise, and instead, listens to the calm repetition of breathing, the soul can often take the moment and speak up – often with such clarity. Mindfulness meditation is an easy way to reach this stillness. I personally use an activity (one in which I can focus, and be on autopilot) as a catalyst to stillness. I wash and wax my car to ‘tune out’ the noise.

The calm I get in slowly covering the car in soap and rinsing her clean is immense. I’ve done this a few hundred times, so it’s nothing I really need to concentrate on, but I couldn’t have a conversation while doing it either – and why would I want to?!? I let my mind slowly shut off by focusing on the movement of my hands across the paint, and the shine that I reveal. Before long, I can hear my heart telling me how satisfying this activity is, and what parts of my life it also feels satisfied. I get a chance to really reflect without the rattle of my mind coming into play. This stillness of my mind is priceless.

In the Karate Kid movies, Mr. Miyagi puts Daniel(son) to work by having him wax the car and paint the fence. This not only teaches him Kata Karate movements, but it introduces him to stillness and mindful meditation. It’s often in the stillness that we come to great realizations. It’s almost cliche now, but how many times have you fallen in love with someone in the stillness between the two of you? Think about it!

The homework this time is to practice stillness, my friends. If you know how to meditate, please do that and listen to what your mind and body say when you tune the ‘noise’ out. If you do not know how to meditate, try to simply sit quietly with your eyes closed and concentrate on your breathing only. Concentrate on breathing slowly in your nose, and out your mouth. Soon enough your mind will unravel from its grip on the rattle, and you’ll find peace. That’s where you’ll also hear that inner voice speak to you. It’s incredible what he/she has to say sometimes.

Peace, Love, and a million successes to you all,

Blake

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Free Coaching Session!

With 2010 coming to the half-way point in the next couple of weeks, are you happy with where your year has taken you?  Are there things you’d love to change, improve, increase, or achieve?  Maybe you would only like a little clarity about where you are and where you feel you’re headed on this crazy winding road.  Have you had a day where you left your office for some lunch and thought, “what am I doing?” or “is this really all there is?” or even “man, it would be so incredible if I could only (fill-in the blank)”?

Coaching is such a powerful place to turn to when you’re looking for some insight and fulfillment in your life.  Maybe you’ve looked into getting a coach, but you doubted your ability to afford it…

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Not only are we giving away the first 30 minute session, we’ve discounted our fees to help get you closer to your dream without taking away your savings!  Head to the contact page and send us a message to set-up a free coaching call (or face-to-face meeting), and take us for a test drive!  If you feel like you could benefit from having your own incredible coach, we are offering 30 minute sessions for $25 each for the first 90 days!  Imagine as much as 12 complete weeks of personalized attention, focus, and support to help you discover your best self and show you how to create S-M-A-R-T action plans to get you moving forward.

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Head over to the assessment page and see what you, personally, come up with. They’re free too. If you find some area of your life you might like to improve, we would be more than happy to give you the free session to touch on it. Call 847-754-9615 or send a message our way to set-up your FREE session today! 

As a bonus for signing up for your free session, we’ll send you the Applied Happiness Inspired Action Workbook at no charge! This 30 page workbook will help you get a head start on what motivates you, and what might be holding you back from getting what you want.  This is $10 value, absolutely free.

Don’t wait! This offer only runs through August!

Call or write us today, and discover what a coach can add to your life!

Audentes Fortuna Iuvat – Fortune Favors the Bold.

- The Applied Happiness Team

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Sometimes the most growth comes from someone asking a powerful question. Suddenly, everything seems to make a little more sense, and we know what we must do from this point forward. There are no right or wrong answers to these questions. They are just meant to get your wheels turning, and maybe help you see the decisions you’ve been making, and the ones you’d like to make from now on.

1. We learn from our mistakes, yet we’re always so afraid to make one. Why?

2. What risk would you take if you knew you could not fail?

3. What is your greatest strength? Have any of your recent actions demonstrated this strength?

4. What are the top five things you cherish in your life?

5. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

6. When do you stop calculating risk and rewards, and just do it?

7. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?

8. What do you most connect with? Why?

9. What one piece of advice would you offer a newborn child?

10. Which is worse – failing or never trying?

11. Why do we do things we dislike, and like the things we never seem to do?

12. What are you avoiding?

13. What is the one job/cause/activity that could get you out of bed happily for the rest of your life? Are you doing it now?

14. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?

15. What are you most grateful for?

16. What would you say is one thing you’d like to change in the world?

17. Do you find yourself influencing your world, or it influencing you?

18. Are you doing what you believe in, or settling for what you’re doing?

19. What are you committed to?

20. Which worries you more – doing things right, or doing the right things?

21. If joy became the national currency, what kind of work would make you wealthy?

22. Have you been the kind of friend you’d want as one?

23. Do any of the things that used to upset you a few years ago matter at all today? What’s changed?

24. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you enjoy doing?

25. What you sacrifice the most to be, do, or possess?

26. Really, what do you have to lose if you go for it?

27. How different would your life be if there wasn’t any criticism in the world?

28. We’re always making choices. Are you choosing for your story, or for someone else’s?

Powerful questions can change the very fiber of our construction. They give us a chance to challenge our own ideals, and perhaps shed some light on what we are and are not committed to. It’s important to understand that we’re always committed to something. If it’s not success on out on our own, it’s staying safe in the comfortable success of someone else. If we’re not committed to creating our opportunities, we’re committed to floating around, hoping, waiting, and wishing for circumstance. What are you committed to?

Peace, Love, and a million successes to you, my friends!

Blake

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“Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” – Anais Nin

Today’s exercise is to describe your ideal self in the future, with one small afterthought. I’ll touch on that step in a moment though. As stated in an earlier post just down the page, many people see happiness as a destination, a place to get to – missing the biggest picture: Life is a journey, and happiness comes with the perspective you take at each twist and turn. Fulfillment in life is an exercise of choice; not something that will just happen someday.

Take some time for yourself, and get comfortable. You can listen to some music, turn the lights down, and maybe have a little wine to relax. Whatever you choose to do, make sure you’re comfortable and able to devote sometime to really focusing. Close your eyes and start to imagine yourself sitting in a garden. It’s filled with all the most beautiful flowers and trees in the world. You’re in a little clearing, sitting on a bench now, completely relaxed. Imagine the best possible future ‘you’ walks into your garden, and takes a seat on the bench just across from you. Also completely relaxed, this future ‘you’ is eager to speak with you, and answer all your questions.

What does your future self look like? What is he or she wearing? Does she look healthy? Is she happy? What kind of clothing is he wearing, and does it make you feel excited or anxious to see him dressed that way? Example – He is in great shape, wearing a beautiful suit jacket and slacks. They are a perfect fit, and he looks like a stud. You feel excited and proud to see yourself looking so dapper!

What does he or she do? What’s her life like? What are the greatest things she’s doing these days? Remember, this is your ideal future self, right here in your garden – what you should see is the exact picture of what you want for yourself in life. Converse with this future self, and find out what words of wisdom you think he or she could share.

When you think you’ve really connected with this version of yourself, and feel like you can accurately describe him or her in great detail, thank your future self for the time together, and make your way out of the garden. As you start to come back to reality, write out everything you saw, smelled, tasted, heard, felt, and learned in that experience. Essentially, you’re describing your ideal self – the way you envision him or her. Having sat in a garden with this future self, you’ve seen first-hand the way you’d like to be, so you should be able to create an incredibly vivid picture.

After writing out the description and everything that goes along with it, I want you add one more step. Imagine now, that you are that ideal future you, in all his or her glory. You’ve done it! You’ve become that great ‘you’ that’s always been waiting to emerge! Congrats! Step Two: Now What?

See, the story of your life is not about achieving that status or reaching that goal, it’s about the ‘and then’ that follows that milestone. Your task now is to declare what you’re going to do with this new power. You’ve just tapped into your inner strength, conversed with that ideal ‘you’ that’s always been there, although often hidden, and I’m daring to ask you what your next step is going to be.

All too often we get comfortable in the place we are, the roles we play, and actions we do and do not take. So comfortable, in fact, that we throw out great opportunities because they ask us to expand beyond what we’ve spent our whole lives masterfully developing. That sense of risk can be a gift or a curse – the choice between the two is yours once you realize it. So I’m challenging you to answer the “and then” portion of this exercise now. If you woke up tomorrow completely embodying every characteristic of that ideal future self, what would your next step be?

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“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” – Anais Nin

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It’s a big challenge, I know, but it’s important to realize that your life doesn’t stop at the end of the sentence. There’s always another “and then…” waiting for you.

So start here: I woke up this morning and discovered I am (insert now realized characteristics of ideal future self), and I can have, do, and be anything I desire. I got out of bed, gifted with this new discovery and then…

Peace, Love, and a million successes to you all!

Blake

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