Applied Happiness Coaching

Benny Gold: Stay Gold from hypebeast.tv on Vimeo.

Today’s inspiration comes from Vimeo (I know there have been a lot of videos lately) and focuses on Benny Gold.  He’s a NYC designer that started his own brand because it was something he loved. He felt the passion for his own creative expression, so he followed it – through the boredom of working life, and the struggles of being so meticulous. The message here: If you find something you’re passionate about, and love doing, don’t stop driving toward it. You’ll make it. Guaranteed.

Peace, Love, and a million successes to you all.

Blake

Technorati Tags: appreciation, attitude, attraction, being bold, business, clearing doubt, dream, faith, goals, inspiration, lesson, motivation, personal power, success, wisdom

Neil Pasricha talks on TED about the 3 A’s of awesome in life. This is such a perfect way to kick off 2011. It’s much more than winning the Lotto (although that would be pretty awesome) or winning the Heisman trophy. It’s really the little things in life that make up all the awesomeness. It’s the awareness and appreciation of the little things that make the big things mean so much. In 2011, I encourage you all to become aware and appreciative of the little things around you! 2011 is the year to CREATE anything you want in your life.

Peace, Love, and a million successes to you all.

Blake

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It’s official: We’re taking this show on the road! Starting October 28th, we’ll begin holding two-hour workshops in the Northwest suburbs of Chicago. This two-hour evening workshop is about defining what you truly want in life, discovering what it’s going to take to get there – including how to tear down that wall so many of us encounter along the way.

Head over to our EVENTS page to get all the details, and to register! The thumbnails on the bottom of the events page will also provide more details about the class, and my personal bio (so you know what you’re in for) – just kidding! This autumn is going to be very exciting, and it’s only the beginning of a whole new phase for Applied Happiness Coaching.

Hope to see you there!

Blake

Technorati Tags: autumn, awareness, clearing doubt, coaching, goals, lesson, motivation, overcoming obstacles, personal power, teaching, workshop

Have you ever noticed people that jet-set across continents, whether for business, pleasure, or a mixture of both, never seem to lose grip on what they want? They have a clear vision of what they are looking for, and nothing seems to phase them. They’re not chasing a dream – they’re choosing and declaring what they want. Are you choosing what you want, or chasing a dream?

Here’s a better way to look at it: are you consciously choosing life and power, or are you falling victim to circumstance on your journey to your dream destination? Do things happen to you, or do you make things happen?  This is the elemental difference between reacting to life, and responding to it.  While they sound similar, they’re actually worlds apart.  Reacting to life is knee-jerk, emotional, and often comes with blame and elected helplessness – i.e. “it wasn’t my fault that didn’t work; there was nothing I could do – it’s your fault.”  Responding to life is taking responsibility for your place and impact in the world around you. It’s about noticing what is trying to emerge in every interaction (good and bad), and what energy and choice you made, and can make to impact it further.

Many people throw around the phrase, “everything happens for a reason,” electing to acknowledge that there must be something at work below the surface, but moments later find it impossible to see meaning in seemingly random events they don’t like.  I ask what the difference is.  It feels like it’s a type of selective responsibility – one in which you can claim power in accomplishment, but relinquish the responsibility in disappointment.  Look, if you’re not in command of your life, who is?

Wanna change it all?  Tired of struggling to find a better way? Do you want to actually reach those lofty goals?  Do you want to make it happen without relying on the miracle of a winning Lotto ticket falling in your lap?  Take responsibility for your life – your actions, choices, thoughts, judgments, dreams – all of it.  The good, the bad, the ugly – it’s your life, and you’re at the wheel.  Instead of chasing down what you want and reacting to the obstacles before you, choose the life you want, and respond to those same obstacles – this is the art of turning foes into allies, hurt into help, and rags into riches.

In everything you do, you’re committing to one thing or another.  Everything you give permission to (saying yes), you are also denying permission (saying no) to something else.  When you are chasing a dream you just can’t seem to reach, you’re saying yes and no to everything along the way – yes to failure, no to success; yes to struggle, no to learning; yes to familiarity (same old story), no to change / uncertainty etc.

So I leave you with an assignment:

1. With every interaction you have with people, places, things, events, circumstances – everything. notice what choices you’re making, and what you’re committing to.  Is it what you want? Are you choosing or chasing?
2. If (and when) something doesn’t go your way, immediately take a deep breath and ask yourself what is trying to emerge.  Are you going to respond and choose, or react as a pawn in the game?

I can’t reiterate this line enough:  It’s your life and if you’re not in command of it, who is?

“Sedit qui timuit ne non succederet. Audentes fortuna iuvat.” – He who feared he would not succeed, sat still. Fortune favors the bold.

Blake

Technorati Tags: attitude, attraction, being bold, choice, dream, faith, goals, lesson, personal power, reaction, reflection, responsibility, success, Virgil

Jay Shafer decided one day to remove the clutter from his world and start over.  He designed and built an 89 square foot home, and began living there. Leaving the ‘everything big’ lifestyle behind him, his life transformed. I love this story. It reminds me how frivolous some of our attachment to material goods can be. Does anyone really need a 20,000 square foot mansion? Maybe they do. I don’t know anyone with one, so I can’t just come out and ask. I’ll update this post if I ever find that answer.

This begs the question of what do we really need in our lives to be happy. It’s not so much about becoming a minimalist and throwing out everything but toilet paper and three outfits – that’s a little too frightening for most of us. Instead, it’s about removing the “noise” and “stuff” with which we all seem to fill our lives. It’s about pulling away from owning things just to own things.

Personally, I remember being younger and spending money on a whole bunch of things I found cool. Now I can’t remember a single thing I got that was important. And I certainly don’t have any of this cool “stuff” to show nowadays. Why did it all disappear? Was it not too expensive and therefore disposable? Was it simply misplaced? Stolen? What happened to all my cool stuff?!?!

It wasn’t truly important to me, so it didn’t stick around. Because it truly wasn’t that important, I didn’t miss it, and I didn’t replace it. Imagine all the things in your life you could sell off, throw out, or donate – stuff you really don’t need, won’t miss, and won’t replace if gone one day. The minimalist credo is similar to “waste not, want not” and is a great place to start.

This becomes MUCH easier after a values exercise. You get a solid sense of your values, what motivates you, and what you need to move forward. You can then ask what this “thing” brings you that you cannot be without. If it doesn’t fill that space inside you, it really doesn’t have to fill that space in your house.

Try your own version of living little. See how it goes, and let us know!

Peace, Love, and a million successes to you all!

Blake

Technorati Tags: appreciation, attitude, clearing, goals, inspiration, lesson, personal power, reflection, teaching, wisdom

Brian Mattocks over at Rent-A-Smart-Guy has a great post on setting real, achievable goals. There are several variations of the S-M-A-R-T acronym, but this is the original. Read on!

“Many people use goals to drive to a more ideal future. Some goals can’t easily be achieved because they don’t seem to convert well into the SMART (Specific, Measureable, Achieveable, Realistic, Time-Bound) goals criteria. Desires like new skills, future beliefs, or perspectives are often very difficult to get to a level of specificity or measurability. Don’t fret. There is a simple question based process to get you to some very specific objective goals.

“Objective Goals typically fall into the category of SMART goals. Most objective goals can be specific, measurable, achieveable, reasonable, and time bound. Such goals often relate to objective properties in the real world that you can appreciate with your senses. In many ways, setting these goals are easy – because they make sense. It is also easy to get help with objective goals.

“Subjective desires on the other hand are much more difficult to work with. Subjective desires often relate to feelings or perspectives on a situation or problem. Desires like “I want to get better at handling stress” become much more difficult to work with in SMART terms. Others such as  ”I want to have more self confidence” are just as challenging.

“Fortunately, there is a simple series of questions we can use to turn Subjective desire statements into Objective goal statements and make them easier to work with. Here they are:

1. What would different if you achieved your goal? This is a good question because it helps you get to specific behaviors and circumstances you can work on or create. Each of these statements of difference help to describe a potential objective goal or action step.
2. What am I doing now that I should start/stop/continue doing to help achieve my desire?
   In the same way, this question can help you get to specific actions or behaviors that you can change to achieve your desire. Each of these start/stop/continue items may be made an objective goal very easily. For example if you want to stop thinking judgmental thoughts, simply start counting them. Such a goal might be worded “I want to think 15 less negative thoughts a week by the end of the quarter.”
3. What is the emotion/need behind the visible desire?
   Often times, what we think we want is a “desire symptom” of a deeper emotional need, or desire. For example, many people want to lose weight in order to feel more attractive and be more confident with themselves. Others want to lose weight for the more “objective” reasons of health.

“Asking these three questions should get you from a squishy desire into a much harder objective goal. If not, keep asking them. Eventually such questions will drive into an objective statement that you can work with.  This is the key to taking a desire out of the realm of inaction and fantasy and bringing it into a place where you can work to make it happen.”

Rent-A-Smart-Guy is a great resource for getting all your questions answered. They cover topics on business, motivation, sales, networking, IT, engineering, and more. Check Brian and the team out! www.RentaSmartGuy.com

Technorati Tags: desire, goals, lesson, motivation, smart, success, wisdom

“Once an old woman came to Buddha and asked him how to meditate. He told her to remain aware of every movement of her hands as she drew the water from the well, knowing that if she did, she would soon find herself in that state of alert and spacious calm that is meditation.”

“Water, if you don’t stir it, will become clear; the mind left unaltered will find its own natural peace.”

Sometimes we get so caught up in the rattle of everyday life that an overwhelming blindness washes over us. We’re blind to the true nature of the world around us, our place in it, and what we really want for ourselves. We are so in tune with the ‘noise’ that the voice inside becomes inaudible, and we often end up somewhere we don’t feel we belong. Some of us lose our way from time to time, right?

Stillness is such a powerful tool for reconnecting to that little voice. When the mind tunes out the noise, and instead, listens to the calm repetition of breathing, the soul can often take the moment and speak up – often with such clarity. Mindfulness meditation is an easy way to reach this stillness. I personally use an activity (one in which I can focus, and be on autopilot) as a catalyst to stillness. I wash and wax my car to ‘tune out’ the noise.

The calm I get in slowly covering the car in soap and rinsing her clean is immense. I’ve done this a few hundred times, so it’s nothing I really need to concentrate on, but I couldn’t have a conversation while doing it either – and why would I want to?!? I let my mind slowly shut off by focusing on the movement of my hands across the paint, and the shine that I reveal. Before long, I can hear my heart telling me how satisfying this activity is, and what parts of my life it also feels satisfied. I get a chance to really reflect without the rattle of my mind coming into play. This stillness of my mind is priceless.

In the Karate Kid movies, Mr. Miyagi puts Daniel(son) to work by having him wax the car and paint the fence. This not only teaches him Kata Karate movements, but it introduces him to stillness and mindful meditation. It’s often in the stillness that we come to great realizations. It’s almost cliche now, but how many times have you fallen in love with someone in the stillness between the two of you? Think about it!

The homework this time is to practice stillness, my friends. If you know how to meditate, please do that and listen to what your mind and body say when you tune the ‘noise’ out. If you do not know how to meditate, try to simply sit quietly with your eyes closed and concentrate on your breathing only. Concentrate on breathing slowly in your nose, and out your mouth. Soon enough your mind will unravel from its grip on the rattle, and you’ll find peace. That’s where you’ll also hear that inner voice speak to you. It’s incredible what he/she has to say sometimes.

Peace, Love, and a million successes to you all,

Blake

Technorati Tags: appreciation, attitude, awareness, Buddha, gratitude, happiness, lesson, love, peace, stillness, teaching, wisdom

I had a pretty poor day yesterday (Wednesday), and I was unsure how I was ever going to make it out still feeling good about my life.  We all have moments like that.  I am fighting with one of the companies I am doing contractual work for, and it looks like I may not get a paycheck for a while. We’ll just have to see how it all turns out.  I went home, grabbed my dog, and headed out to my friend’s place uptown. She bought me dinner and we just had a great time together watching the Olympics.  I laid my head down a little before 11, and tried to be grateful for the wonderful things in my life – even though I was still pretty worked up about the accounts payable issue from earlier.

I had a dream that spun my world in circles, and threw my train of thought out the window.

As a man, sometimes I dream about automobiles. Well, last night it was a brand new Escalade.

I’m driving around some random city in this beautiful new Escalade. I’ve got the windows down, the stereo up, the sun is shining, and I’m feeling pretty good about it all.  The monstrous truck starts to sputter and I see the gas gauge is broken as it wavers slightly, and then falls lifeless to E.  I look up as I roll to a stop, and suddenly I’m in the middle of nowhere.  I get out and I’m very, very upset. I’m cussing, and flailing my arms, and cursing the truck for doing this to me.

A man appears a couple hundred feet down the single lane road, and begins walking to me. As I’m cursing, he walks over and asks me what happened. I tell him the story angrily, and he smiles and tells me that I’m looking at it all wrong, in a tone that can only be described as uncomfortably mysterious – like any minute he was going to wave his hands and say, “That’s not a truck; it’s a kitten!” Poof, there would stand a kitten.

He asked me if I was just going to stand next to it and complain all day.

“You cannot stand here and expect magic to happen. Blake, keep walking down the road and have faith that another ride will come along.”

I didn’t even hesitate to follow his advice.  His voice was comforting – much like when mom tells you it’s all going to be okay when you’re sad as a kid.  Sure enough, just a couple hundred yards down, another Escalade pulled over and the back door opened.  I got in and looked back to see us pull away from the dead truck and the voice of reason.  I didn’t know where we were, but this nameless, faceless driver knew everything I wanted, and where to take me to get it. I simply requested something and had complete faith the driver would take me to it.  I felt so grateful for the new ride, and the random chance of meeting that man when my dream truck died.  I traveled all over in this new truck – guided only by faith that I would always reach whatever destination I asked for.

I woke up and felt like I had been given a gft in my sleep.  I was able to test drive the power of the Universe last night. I was able to run on faith.  And I would not have been the least bit surprised if I woke up with an Escalade keychain at my bedside.

Today I received a recommendation from a former colleague, a phone call from a friend in Ohio to speak at her company, and a brand new business contact for some design work. On faith alone, I have turned worry into wonderful gifts that will bring me happiness…and income!

Have a little faith, my friends. If one day your proverbial Escalade breaks down, you must keep walking and have faith that you’ll reach your destination. I promise you that you will. Every single time.

Technorati Tags: attraction, dream, faith, lesson, personal power, positive thinking